i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
