Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
