just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
