Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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