Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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