Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
