she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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