Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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