I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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