you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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