You really coming over, don't trick.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
