I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
