Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
