evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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