Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
