I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
