Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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