the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
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tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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