I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
