I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
