I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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