the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
