don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
