you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
