So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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