You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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