I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the raccoons are back...
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