i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
