My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
