Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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