So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
