We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
