Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize