i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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