I'm laying in your front yard are you home
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just had sex bonerless
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Randomize
