he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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