sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Mom said you looked used
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
