Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
