They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
