So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
