Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
