Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
