I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
