just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You've changed since you got that strap on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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