I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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