YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize