i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
