do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
