i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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