my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
