Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You can't special order awesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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