im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
