it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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