just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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