Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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