We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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