Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
