Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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