You're my little dorito
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
