I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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