Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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