i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Randomize
