worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
