I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
