We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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