dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Enjoy the penises
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
