Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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