Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I touched a dick in church today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
