i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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