You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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