hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
