And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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