How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's Friday. Sex?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
