Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
