why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize