I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
