So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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