farters have to be the big spoon...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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