For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have aggressive nipples.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
