the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
