do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
