just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
