I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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